I Don't Give A Damn
by Ayakaishi Fei
Summary: Caring is overrated, at least according to Raven. Raven/Van songfic. Not exactly happy.


Title: I Don't Give A Damn  
  
Author: FireDemon  
  
Email: Ken_Dai_Love@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Category: Romance, Angst maybe?  
  
Warnings: Shounen-ai/Yaoi/Slash - whatever you wanna call it. Bad language.  
  
Summary: Caring is definitely overrated. Raven/Van. Songfic to "I don't give a damn". Not a happy song therefore not a happy fic. Short one-shot.  
  
i//Every time you go, away, It actually kinda makes, my day//i  
  
Raven watched as his... his what? Boyfriend? The term didn't fit, he and Van had never been 'friends' of any kind. His lover? Perhaps, although he definitely wouldn't describe any of the emotions he felt around Van as love. His rival? His fuck-buddy? His enemy? The last three fit the boy who was hastily gathering his clothes off Raven's bedroom floor slightly better, yet they were still a little off.  
  
Van's brown eyes turned to meet Ravens, and he blushed. Raven wondered how the boy felt about his frequent night-time visits. He could see pity in the boys eyes, a strange mixture of revulsion and attraction; and embarrassment, a great deal of embarrassment.  
  
It amused Raven to see the other boys humiliation, to be the only one to witness his disgrace. He knew he didn't love the boy, or even like him, but he lusted after Van, and lust was a very powerful force. It controlled him, overwhelmed him even, but it didn't distract him in battle. He knew it distracted Van; when he taunted him, when he purposefully flirted with him, when he confused him.  
  
He wondered sometimes what Van thought of their relationship, even though he didn't care about the other boy.  
  
Van quickly pulled on his clothes, trying not to look at Raven sprawled brazenly across his bed, naked as the day he was born and displaying everything with shameless amusement.  
  
Raven smirked as he watched the boy dress, almost glad to see the boy go. He wondered if Van even realised how little his lavender haired lover really cared for him.  
  
i//Every time you leave, you slam the door, You pick your words so carefully, You hate to think you're hurting me, You leave me laughing on the floor...//i  
  
Van paused one hand on the door knob and hastily turned to look at Raven,  
  
"Ano... Raven, it's... I had a really nice time, and I appreciate everything that you've been doing for me. I think you're very, well, beautiful, and sweet."  
  
Raven waited speechlessly as Van fumbled for words, he was too nice, too good, too sweet. He hated the idea of hurting anyone especially, for some reason, the idea of hurting Raven.  
  
The lavender haired boy knew that Van depended upon their night time visits to continue on, he knew Van didn't think he could live without them, and the thought amused him.  
  
Van smiled at him and beckoned him over, wrapping his arms around Ravens neck as the boy reached him,  
  
"I honestly do care about you Raven," He punctuated the words with a gentle kiss, "If we weren't enemies I think I might even love you."  
  
Raven shrugged, "That's nice Van. Weren't you about to leave?"  
  
Van flushed and turned back to the door, pulling it open, while Raven watched indifferent.  
  
Van stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind him angrily.  
  
Raven watched silently, feeling laughter bubbling inside of him, he knew Van was waiting for him to return the words.  
  
Van wanted Raven to love him, wanted Raven to care about him in the way he thought he cared about Raven.  
  
i//I don't give a damn, What d'ya say about that?// i  
  
He let the laughter spew from his mouth as he thought about the yowacty.  
  
He couldn't even handle hurting an enemy he was fucking.  
  
Raven had thought about throwing his lack of feelings in Van's face, laughing as the weakling crumpled, laughing as the boy tried to make it better with his soothing words and gentle kisses.  
  
Baka yariman.  
  
Stupid whore.  
  
i//You know I'm not gonna cry, Bout some stupid guy, A guy who thinks he's all that.// i  
  
Van expected him to cry, he didn't seem to have learnt yet that Raven didn't cry. Not now, not ever, and certainly not because some okama was walking out on him.  
  
"I don't cry Van Flyheight."  
  
Raven didn't expect a reply, he didn't need a reply, he knew that Van was long gone, and he was pleased.  
  
"I don't need any stupid arrogant asshole telling me what to do, or when to cry. I don't need you Van Flyheight, but you need me."  
  
i//I thought we were just hanging out, So why'd you kiss me on the mouth?// i  
  
Raven tried to remember why they'd started 'seeing each other'. If their nightly fucking could be considered 'seeing each other'.  
  
It had been so long ago, so very long. Raven could not even remember who'd introduced them, it had been before their first fight.  
  
Van had offered his hand in that cocky manner and smiled wickedly as he let his eyes wander over Raven's well toned body.  
  
Raven had met his eyes, and seen the attraction he felt mirrored in the other boys big delightfully innocent chocolate brown eyes.  
  
He'd wanted to destroy that innocence, dominate that lithe body, mark and claim the boy as his own personal property.  
  
But the urge passed, and Raven had dismissed the idea.  
  
Van had decided to stay and talk to Raven, so amusingly shy and sweet, his words so gentle and loving.  
  
Raven had ignored him mostly, uncaring, giving only monosyllable replies when required.  
  
It had been Van who had kissed him, not vice-versa. Raven had not thought, despite their mutual attraction, that the boy would find the courage for such a bold act.  
  
That had been the first time. Such an innocent beginning, for such a tainted relationship.  
  
Raven shrugged, dismissing his memories as he stood and dressed. Van Flyheight was a fool, and that was all there was to this mockery of a relationship.  
  
i//You thought the way you taste would get me high, You went to all your friends, to brag, Guys are always such, a drag, Don't you know the reason that I kissed you was to say goodbye?// i  
  
'That's all there is? Who are you trying to fool Raven?'  
  
Van may have kissed him the first time, but he had kissed back. The relationship hadn't been one-sided. Oh there was lust, there was mutual attraction.  
  
Van had been stupid though, far stupider then Raven. He had invested his everything in this sham love affair. He had given Raven his heart, his soul, his everything, which was why he was breaking up inside.  
  
He'd read more into this relationship then there was.  
  
He'd told the world, his friends, his little lapdog Fiona, that he was 'with' Raven, that he would make Raven 'good again'.  
  
He knew nothing, foolish little child that he was.  
  
Raven scowled scornfully at the door as he remembered the first time *he* had kissed Van, it had been solely to say good bye, good riddance, and don't come back.  
  
i//I don't give a damn, What d'ya say about that?// i  
  
But Van had come back. He always came back. To apologise. To make amends. To throw himself at Raven and cover him with kisses as he murmured soft words of apology while Raven watched him through amused eyes.  
  
It had become a game. He would wait and wait and wait for Van to crack, then he would fuck him, to get rid of the lust and then he would let the boy go and laugh at the boys dejected expression, time after time.  
  
Van was like a dog, desperate for any teeny tiny bit of affection he could grasp. He was foolish, stupid and pathetically in love with Raven.  
  
It would almost have been moving, had Raven cared in the slightest.  
  
He'd obsessed over telling Van that he didn't care, fantasised over how hurt the boy would be, and he'd enjoyed those fantasies.  
  
He'd tried to tell Van once, yet when it came down to it he couldn't. Raven refused to think about it. There was no way he was going to admit, even to himself, that he could no more calculatedly hurt the dark haired boy then the other boy could intentionally hurt him.  
  
i//You know I'm not gonna cry, Bout some stupid guy, A guy who thinks he's all that//i  
  
Each time Van left, each time he slammed the door after yelling at Raven, Raven had laughed. Laughed until tears streamed down his face.  
  
But he hadn't cried, because he didn't care.  
  
Raven had never cared, and would never care about stupid, stuck-up, egotistical, gorgeous, sweet, and incredibly loyal Van.  
  
Raven didn't cry. He hadn't when he lost his parents, hadn't when Prozen... did what he did to all his soldiers, hadn't cried when he'd killed, hadn't cried when he'd won, hadn't cried when he'd lost. Raven didn't cry.  
  
Not now. Not ever. And definitely not because some stupid guy was leaving.  
  
Raven didn't care whether Van loved him, he refused to care.  
  
i//Don't you know that I, I don't give a damn about you//i  
  
Van's knock was hesitant. Raven looked up at the door; he must have been caught up in memories longer then he'd thought.  
  
Vans hands were as sure as his voice was shy,  
  
"Raven, I'm sorry, don't hate me, I don't just care about you. I love you, more then anything."  
  
Raven accepted the kisses unspeaking, uncaring.  
  
He wouldn't return Van's feelings, not now, not ever.  
  
"Van no Baka, I don't care. I don't hate you."  
  
Van's huge terribly naïve eyes stared at Raven in incomprehension.  
  
Raven tilted the boy's head up to look him in the eyes.  
  
"Haven't you realised that yet Van? I don't care about you."  
  
Van's world shattered into a thousand different pieces as Raven kissed him goodbye.  
  
Authors Notes: I'm sorry this didn't end happily, I like the song, and I could see Raven thinking some of the lyrics cos he seems like, I dunno, a semi insane asshole sometimes *snuggles Raven* so cute... but yeah. I like Van and Raven together, and I decided to write my first Zoids fic as a semi song fic. If I get a good response for this I'll probably write the other Zoids fic I'm considering which will be a LOT happier/sappier. Anyway PLEASE review, this is my first attempt at a Raven/Van fic.  
  
Erm, the Japanese, if the translations I have are correct,  
  
Yowacty: Weakling.  
  
Baka yariman: Stupid whore.  
  
Okama: Fag.  
  
Van no Baka: Van you moron.  
  
Okay, I didn't use that much, a friend gave me some bad words so I decided to use them. I can only speak two languages with decent fluently, and Japanese is not one of them, so forgive my mistakes if I've made them and tell me cos I'm dying to learn proper Japanese. 


End file.
